MonuMental

I had a very lazy day today. I don’t regret having spent half of today on last night because my friend Derek was in town from Bakersfield, CA and it was worth reallocating my hours in order to have a great night out being around someone who’s becoming an “old” friend. It’s been over ten years since we were students at VA Tech and I even knew him decently well before then. After a nice but kind of long day traveling up to Fairfax for the Ekoji Buddhist Temple’s Obon Festival I went out to meet up with him and whoever else he may have with him out at a bar not far from the house. I probably left around 10:30 to meet up and don’t think came home until around 3:30 or so. We played pool for a couple of hours, shared rounds of beer and appetizers, and then went to one of the little park-type spaces internal to some of the blocks around the Fan. Two of Derek’s friends brought us there and she grabbed some cans of beer from their apartment and he played his guitar for us. We talked and listened and sang and just let everything happen as it felt right to do and time flew by us without the care to draw any of our attention to the passing hours. As bars were closing down and partyers were becoming restless we were soon joined by different groups of younger kinds coming to hang out in the alley and walk around on some of the large random geometric shapes that comprised the little park. As many as 20 or 25 of them were hanging out with us under the alley lights, can-checking beers and making basic temporary companions for these last hours. A few chit-chatted here and there, but mainly those that came around us just came to sit and listen and let the music help them enjoy their likely buzzing minds that much more. It reminded me of what it was to be young like this, where you keep yourself open to situations where you just might have a chance to be around harmless strangers and feel this kind of late night city-park connection. It was a beautiful night without much humidity and an occasional fleeting breeze that stirred the lightest of alley debris and swept a few hairs on your body.

I love experiences involving connection because there’s something so inspiring about them. It reminds me how similar we all are. It rejuvenates my spirit to be shown how easy it is to hang out with some people. These kids show up, mingle around a random pylon or one of the shapes that looks like a sideways-turned triangle-cut slice of cheese with a hole in it, and they just inner-are with one another. Thich Nhat Hanh uses that term for the human experience where we physically just exist with one another and the very-centered spiritual souls and the harmony within our own mind and body becomes none different than all of those around you. More specific to tonight, it was fun to be around all these kids. They just showed up in different groups, intermingled with themselves and a couple of them broke to wonder around walking back and forth along the knee-high serpentine concrete barriers that provided the only kind of flow to the park considering it’s random assaults on space and function. It was one where everyone was aware of everyone and you acknowledge their presence and they do too, non-verbially from 20 feet and the the overall scent of acceptance filters the light coming out the electric poles. About 10 at a time might be sitting on the ground with Derek or along the concrete barrier with me and we were just all vibing and Matt and Derek kept mouths silent for 10 or 15 minutes while they did the best versions of old songs we all love, songs that alley I doubt had ever seen.

  One of the last dudes, just sitting. Listening.

This connection was what I tend to look for in life.

That day I had spent with Sara, another friend of ours, and 2 more friends who also form a married unit in the eyes of the government and God. We were a little hyped in the care ride up and had a great time laughing about anything that came up. We parked and quickly got settled so we could eat some of the dishes they had prepared to sell to festival goers. The day the turned to one of fun and interaction when the time to do started. In different combinations 4 of the 5 of us took turns attempting to quickly learn and perform the dances to acceptable levels. Some were simpler than other and we did better at those. Nen Daiko ramped up the group of attendants for a little while playing their various songs and triggering various fun memories for the first yearwe had attented Obon. After that was the lighting ceremony and we were led in prayer by who seemed to be one of the highest ranking leaders of the Temple. I don’t think he was Darmakirti himself, but I didn’t attempt to take the path to where my group was that would cause me to pass by him not knowing the culturally-sensitive way to approach or greet him. I was separated during all this and when I came over to the group they were all sitting or bent over aroundwhere we had previously placed out candles that morning.

The Obon is a celebration where the Buddhists remember and celebrate the loved ones and family members we have lost in our lives. You get a candle earlier during the festival and youwrite any being of previous sentience. I found our girls and Jody hovering the candles or the ground and I squatted behind Jasmine and Sara. I immediately realized our friend was having a hard time. She had lost her father and misses him dearly.

Jasmine and I found a great connected for one another one Christmas while on the way to the Christmas Eve service at Sara’s church. I posted on Facebook a status that generally expressed non-specific hopes of cheer and a great and peaceful night to those who don’t practice any religion. Jasmine happened to see that and began texting me about her appreciation for my thoughts and she began sharing her father’s struggle for health and life that had been going on for a little bit of time now. It was the year anniversary to me experiencing the most important loss a had faced in my life. We connected easily and shared a lot of concern and appreciate for the other and formed a temporarily strong bond over those late hours until the waxing new day.

Sara was consoling her as best as she could and I kneeled behind both of them sitting on the edge of the meditation garden and just rubbed her back while she kept her head down. Silent but softly exhaling the worries and pain within her. As soon as I touched her I could tell how she was feeling and decided that since Sara had taken the highest responsibility of her emotional support that the best thing I could do is just continue to rub her back all over. Some of the times when I’ve collapsed in my hands and have all my sadness pour into my head, the first thing that seems to send me to a place where I start rebuilding the strength of my soul and remembering the good things I still can be found to have often start with the soft, sympathetic, living back rub. Not the ones you give your person after a long day, but the one that where ever movement is a consoling gesture. I always feel a lot is conferred during a consoling back rub. I learn about what the person has going on inside of them and the mere allowance of you to do this is an acknowledgement of your place in their life.

Sometimes you might be brushed off because they feel it is unnecessary, or you’re not someone they can have touch them when they’re experiencing such a sad moment, whereas other times you’re just not friends who are close enough in that way, so a shrug or motion to the side lets you know they’re not interested in this physical consolement. So just the face that you’re allowed to offer your consolement is a tiny statement of you connection to this person to whom your heart is reacting to right now.

I know I tend to enjoy them as if I’m being hypnotized by the person sitting by me talking. Rubbing my back, and that physical tenderness is so much of a help sometimes that I feel I honestly get “rubbed into a better state of mind”. The verbal message may be that you have to pick yourself up and build your self back to that amazing person you have previously felt you were, but the rubbing of the back lets you feel support as if this person here feels my pain, agrees with my hurt, and is going to be happy to see me back to my normal self soon enough.

We soon enough all got ourselves us and had a more quiet drive back to Richmond. Though we still all talked and laughed quite a bit, this was still the quieter, reflective part of the road trip. The various connections in the car were a great point to reflect on as we went mile after mile down the dark interstate.

Today was overcast with these similar reflections on friends, and family, and even just people in general. I think we both here spent a lot of time thinking and feeling about what we enjoy, what we have, and what we feel we would trade anything to have. These three things apply to everyone. We just all label our feelings, fixes, and fortunes differently.