MonuMental

Everybody’s got a favorite place where they like to kick back

it helps to keep the balance of a busy life in tact

People come to Tubman’s for the Super Bowl and Cub’s game

and no matter what the season certain things are always unchanged

From hard working hustlers who wanna join the Union

to people after church who want a little more communion 

Early afternoon you see the usual suspects

friendly with the staff they know the crew & who runs it

All the others check in about 4:15 

getting ready for the happy hour rush routine

So Rudy’s at the door once the work day finishes

verifying ages of the local thirsty citizens

It’s the kid again who gets a little loud for everybody

he parks his Masserati always smelling like Asahi

He’s too unpredictable, immature and incorrigible

barely old enough to use a grown man’s urinal

But his money’s still green, I mean his debit card works

spending money like his credit limit’s large as Garth Brooks

So he gives Rudy five and then he slips Rudy 10 

but he doesn’t keep from checking on the ages of his friends

Then they pile into the bar and try to talk to senoritas

out of state from Encinitas, steady drinking Lagunitas

But the locals round here are thick as Mrs. Buttersworth

into loving all the women not just looking under skirts

So their young college game isn’t really that effective

they ought to grow some hair and watch their elders for a lesson

Martin hits the door off of work, a long day

while these kids are representing no work and all play

He grabs a can of Fosters and goes to chat with Reggie

putting beer into an already aggravated belly

Girls after work come to drink and lose focus

the kid and his friends couldn’t help but take notice

They swarm around the open toes faster than lightning

the Sweet Water flows so the Bass start biting

And Kevin’s working shifts cause he lost a bar tender

who took over the waitress spot if everyone remembers

And when he’s on the bar you best believe he keeps tabs

looking over his establishment when things turn bad

When he hears a glass break and a slap to the face

it’s time to cut him off if it isn’t too late

He was gonna toss him out if the lad’s not wanted

but a flash of the door he sees the kid somersaulted

This isn’t a democracy or trial by majority

so don’t try to argue with the girls from sororities

Now the rest of this kid’s friends stand around foolish

looking at each other like they’re lost or just clueless

Dan comes in the door wondering what happened

outside there’s a kid holding face with a napkin

He needs ice, ice baby, what’s these dumb one’s thinking?

he’s tired of these crazies, and young come lately’s

He looks up to Martin wondering where the rhyme’s starting

but Reggie’s throwin’ darts & he needs a good bargain

So Dan steps up to the bar for a drink special

it’s happy hour, now or never, order up a vessel

Kevin tries to say Whattup while handing him a flavored cup

but there’s sounds from the alley like someone’s rowdy breaking stuff

They rush to the front door and Rudy points a finger

Kevin knows to handle it before his bouncer taps his anger

This punk done flipped out trying to cause damage

throwing beer bottles and anything he can manage

So Kevin grabs the kid while he’s mad & caught him off guard

pinning down his arms before he racks up an assault charge

He throws him in his car and grabs his keys from his pocket

shuts the door and locks it

Of course he doesn’t like it, if he wants he’ll call the cops in

but about that time his head’s fallen in a topspin

So Kevin tells Rudy not to let him inside

and he has to wait for later if he’s gonna wanna drive

And the rest of the bar’s already moved on

forgot the last brouha, groovin’ to a new song

Dan’s found some buddies and they’re starting off softly

some guys doin shots off their girlfriend’s bodies

Gonna play a hand and just see where the cards land

and the kid’s gonna wake up with a headache and bar tab

Kevin’s making notes for his credit card bill

gonna charge him for every broken pack of Starr Hill

But it’s just how it goes, sometimes there’s a clown here

tearing up the scene trying to blame it on the brown beer

You better walk straight and if not take a cab home

act grown or you’ll leave the place choking on a ham bone

There’s a million stories in the city, lots of them are Tubman’s

where Kevin runs it on the corner lot and everyone loves him